


Accidental Dating

by Sophia_Bee



Series: The Old Guard: Does What it Says on the Tin [4]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Cute, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff, Food, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Bee/pseuds/Sophia_Bee
Summary: Andy takes Joe out for Indian food, steals his butter chicken, hogs the chutney and drops a truth bomb about the fact that he’s been accidentally dating his best friend.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: The Old Guard: Does What it Says on the Tin [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867000
Comments: 43
Kudos: 605





	Accidental Dating

**Author's Note:**

> Blessed by **Leafeylocket**. Accidental dating is one of my fave tropes. Does what it says on the tin. There is now a prequel available but it prob works best to read this one first. [An Idiot in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26567539) xoxo

“You’re dating.” 

“Hmmmmph?” Joe says around a mouthful of butter chicken as he glances up at Andy, feeling annoyed at his boss’ intrusion in his personal life. “I’m not dating anyone. You know that, Andromache.” 

Andy arches an eyebrow at Joe’s use of her full name. He shoots a glare back at her. She only has herself to blame after she drunkenly told him her full name at a company party one night a year ago, along with how much she hates it. What else was he supposed to do? Andy responds to his glare by offering him a grin that can only be described as evil as she uses her naan to scoop up the last of the chutney. Joe’s eyes narrow. She knows he hates when she eats all the chutney and now has to flag down the wait person and ask for more. One of these days he’s going to remember to ask for extra right away but knowing Andy, she’ll eat all of that too. 

“You’re an idiot,” Andy licks her fingers as Joe glowers when he’s not looking over her shoulder for the good looking waiter who he’d mildly flirted with when they were being seated. See, Joe thinks grumpily, if I were dating someone I wouldn’t be flirting. He opens his mouth to make this point to Andy then clamps it shut. They both know he would totally flirt even if he was dating someone but he’s not dating anyone so it doesn’t matter. Andy is full of shit. Joe tells her this. Andy rolls her eyes. 

“Except in this case, I’m not,” Andy says as she picks up her fork and spears a piece of his butter chicken before Joe can either block her or protest. She pops it into her mouth and chews smugly. Joe watches her and thinks only Andy can actually chew smugly. He runs a hand through his hair then smooths his fingers over his beard.

“Fine, wise one. Who am I dating? Last time I checked it was just me and my hand on Friday nights.” 

Andy leans back in her chair and gives Joe a long look. It’s the kind of look that would have scared Joe into silence if he didn’t know her so well. It’s the kind of look calculated to irritate him and it works. 

“You said you spend Fridays with your hand. Who did you spend Friday with, Joe?” 

Joe frowns at Andy’s question. Friday was nothing special. He didn’t even go out. He’d watched the latest HBO series everyone was talking about. It was okay. Oh, and….

“Nothing, really. Nicky came over.” 

Andy shoots Joe a pointed look. 

“What about the Friday before?” 

Joe screws up his eyes. Friday… Friday… what is Andy’s deal with Fridays? He searches his memory and lands on digging into the bottom of a bag of popcorn during a halfway decent horror movie. 

“Ummmm. Movie. Nicky and I saw a movie.” 

“Wednesday?” Andy is clearly not going to give up this line of inquiry. 

“Nothing Andy. NOTHING. I stayed in. Ate dinner.” 

“Who made the dinner, Joe?” 

Joe opens his mouth to tell her the same person who makes him dinner EVERY Wednesday, and she KNOWS this because three Wednesdays ago she’d been invited, then closes it again. Nicky. Shit. He stares at Andy for a long moment and rubs his hands on his jeans, the black skinny pair that Nicky picked out. When Joe can’t bear Andy’s self-satisfied smile any longer he finally works up the courage to offer up the most pathetic answer he can muster. 

“He’s my best friend.”

It’s the best answer he’s got. Best friends go to movies. Best friends watch the latest HBO show then agree it’s trying too hard and decide to watch Training Day for the hundredth time. Best friends make you dinner on Wednesdays. Right? 

“Yes. He’s your best friend….” Andy is having none of it. She cuts right to the quick in her usual blunt manner. “That you want to fuck.” 

Joe feels his face heat up. Well, yes. There’s that. Joe wants to fuck Nicky. But wanting to fuck someone isn’t dating. It’s just your best friend being incredibly hot and having a fantastic ass and you having a dick that happens to like both pussy and other dicks, despite the fact that this has caused a bit of a moral quandary at times in your life. Oh, and there’s the pesky fact that your hot best friend happens to like dicks exclusively, and he seems to show up every Wednesday to cook you dinner, which is super sexy, so yeah, you want to fuck him. Doesn’t everyone want to fuck their best friend, and, uh… Joe’s brain comes to a screeching halt. 

Shit... 

Maybe Andy has a point. 

Joe moans as his face sinks into his hands. 

“I’m never wrong,” Andy smirks and Joe hates her. Just at that moment the cute waiter stood by the table politely asks Andy if she needs anything all while looking at Joe with dark, needy eyes that are clearly inviting him for a quickie in the bathroom. But all Joe can think is how incredibly fucked up his life is because he’s unknowingly been dating his best friend. He barely manages a grunt as Andy looks from Joe to the waiter then snorts a little as she bites back what Joe knows is a laugh and asks for more chutney. 

“I always eat it all,” she explains with a shrug. “Can we get a couple of boxes?” 

Andy pays. She’d promised it was her treat and now Joe knows it was payment up front for what is essentially an ambush attack against a totally innocent party. Well, mostly innocent. It’s not like Joe hasn’t thought a few times over the years that Nicky would make a great boyfriend. His brain isn’t some innocent party in this situation. Not by a long shot. Luckily Andy had offered to drive so on the way home all Joe has to do is sit in the passenger seat balancing the stack of takeout boxes on his lap, the smell of Andy’s leftover curry filling his nostrils, and think about Nicky. 

He’s known Nicky for what feels like centuries. They met in basic. It wasn’t some sort of meet cute rom-com moment unless you count bloodied noses and a dislocated shoulder as romantic. More like a poorly written buddy comedy. That’s how Joe’s always seen it. It was that shoulder that had brought about the truce. Nicky had offered to pop it back in. Then, when Joe had finished swearing in no less than five different languages, Nicky had bought him a beer and made him teach him every swear word that had spewed out of his mouth. They’d been friends ever since. 

It hadn’t taken much for them to figure out they were both queer. All that had needed was a night when Joe had begged off going to watch a movie at Nicky’s because he was feeling horny and there was a bar in town that catered to the military. Things had been getting hot and heavy with some guy named Derek or Duke - Joe couldn’t really hear over the deafening club music and he’s pretty good at faking it - when he’d felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find Nicky grinning at him, looking like the most amazing snack Joe had ever wanted to gobble up. After Nicky had playfully chastised him for ditching their movie, they’d ended up drinking at the bar as they yelled over the music and Joe can still remember how Nicky squeezed his hand and smiled and how Joe’s heart had skipped a beat. He also remembers how he had pulled his hand away and felt a bit silly about the strange places his brain could take him sometimes. Nicky was his friend. He didn’t want to ruin that. In retrospect it was probably for the best. Joe had a lot of fuck and fight in him back in those days. It probably would have been a disaster. Plus he needed Nicky to hold him through more than one terrible breakup. 

That was ten years ago. They’d finished basic, been deployed, sometimes together, often apart. Their friendship was documented through FaceTime calls and emails that immortalised the most mundane details of their lives. Through it all they had remained not just friends but the best of friends. 

When Nicky graduated from sniper school, Joe had insisted he FaceTime him in Afghanistan immediately after the ceremony. When Nicky had decided to retire from the military, he’d promised that there would be a place at the security firm he was going to work for when Joe was ready, as if there was any chance that Joe would go anywhere else. When Joe had been injured by an IED six months before the end of his last tour, Nicky had actually taken leave from his cushy consultant job and had flown to Germany just so he could punch Joe in the arm and tell him to never scare him again. Joe retired after rehab and had joined Nicky’s firm. It had seemed the most logical thing to do. He bought a house only ten minutes away from Nicky’s but refused to close until Nicky had given it his blessing. 

Best of the best friends. 

They had even fucked once. In the way that best friends sometimes do. At least that’s what Joe tells himself. It had been about a year and a half ago after a particularly bad breakup. Joe downed a lot of whiskey then cried on Nicky’s shoulder until he ran out of tears. Nicky had held him and rubbed soothing circles on his back and Joe had finally felt the sorrow slip into the background enough to feel he might survive. He had lifted his head and smiled at Nicky, and Nicky had kissed his forehead. Then his cheek, followed by the other cheek. Then he cradled Joe’s face in his hands and had looked Joe in the eyes and told him that Patrick was a fucking cunt for not holding onto the greatest guy in the world. Joe can still feel how his broken heart had swelled to hear that someone still thought he was worth something. So when Nicky had leaned forward and placed a last kiss on Joe’s lips, a sweet, comforting kiss, it had made all the sense in the world to kiss him back. 

The next morning Joe had woken up plastered against Nicky’s back, his foot tucked between Nicky’s ankles, smelling like sweat and come. In the morning light it had made all the sense in the world to nudge Nicky awake, apologize profusely and promise it would never happen again. Joe had avoided Nicky after that until Nicky had shown up on his doorstep for their usual Wednesday dinner as if he’d never had Joe’s dick in his mouth. Joe had smiled at the sight of his best friend and realized how much he’d missed him. 

Joe hasn’t dated anyone since that. Well, according to Andy he’s been dating Nicky. But Nicky… Nicky hasn’t dated anyone in years. Joe shakes his head a little and frowns as he realizes something. No. That’s not right. Nicky hasn’t dated anyone ever. 

Joe stares out the car window, those two thoughts rolling around his head, round and round until he feels dizzy. 

The car comes to a stop and Joe is jerked from his thoughts by the sharp sting of Andy flicking him on the shoulder. He turns his head and looks at her. 

“Andy,” Joe says, his voice coming out strangled, then stops, not wanting to say it out loud. His heart is pounding. His mouth is dry. He wants to grab Andy like a madman and shake her, repeating over and over that Nicky hasn’t ever dated anyone. No one. Not ever. For years. Ten years. Instead a tear slips down the side of his nose. She looks back at him with a softness and understanding that are uncommon for her and Joe knows he has hit a vein of truth that he’s been avoiding for a long time. 

“You’re an idiot,” Andy says softly and almost kindly. “You know that year before you joined the firm? You were all he ever talked about. He told us he would quit if he didn’t get leave to go to Landstuhl. You might be accidentally dating him but I am positive he is intentionally very much in love with you.” 

Joe rubs his nose, squinches up his eyes, tries to will his tears away. He wants to say something but he knows if he opens his mouth it will all pour out. All the years, all the care, all the little things that he thought were just things best friends did for each other. He sits there with his eyes shut and his head swimming. 

“I brought you home.” 

Joe opens his eyes at Andy’s announcement. He turns to look out the window. The car isn’t sitting outside his three bedroom 1960s rambler that’s been lovingly updated. It’s sitting outside Nicky’s house. He turns to look at Andy again. 

“You’re evil.”

“I prefer wise.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t.” Joe sees her eyes roll up in her head. “I’m not actually doing it for you, you asshole. If this works out, Nile and Book are going to owe me a sweet grand each.” 

Joe unfolds himself out of Andy’s annoyingly low sports car then watches as she speeds away with a screech sure to wake the neighbors. He stands on the sidewalk watching as her taillights round the corner and disappear then stands for a moment longer, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to will the pitter patter of his heart to slow. Finally he walks towards Nicky’s house, makes his way up the three stairs to the porch, lifts his hand and knocks on the door. 

Joe knows Nicky’s house as well as his own. He pictures where Nicky might be. Maybe he’s in the living room, slouched on the very comfortable couch Joe had helped him pick out. When he’d first arrived he was appalled to find that Nicky was mostly living out of boxes and to find his living room empty of furniture. “A year,” Joe had asked Nicky with a grin, “you’ve been living like this for a year?” Nicky had looked a little sheepish and had put both his hands out, palms up, as if that was an explanation in itself then had grinned the most adorable grin. They’d gone furniture shopping after that and Nicky had refused to consider anything that Joe hadn’t found supremely comfortable, telling Joe that he was most likely the person who would be spending the most time on it besides himself. 

Maybe Nicky is in the kitchen. Nicky’s kitchen is the center of his house. He knows every square inch of it, can find any pot, pan or utensil in seconds. Nicky in the kitchen is like going to the symphony and sitting listening to the cacophony of all the instruments warming up then that moment when they all come together to make beautiful music. Joe has spent many nights watching Nicky saute, caramelize, julienne and chop. For Christmas he bought Nicky a way too expensive mandoline and a cut resistant glove, telling Nicky that he wanted to make sure he kept all his fingers. Nicky had turned bright red at the time. Joe had only meant snipers need their fingers. He hadn’t meant it suggestively. Not really. 

It’s possible Nicky is asleep. Joe can picture this too. Nicky asleep on that couch they picked out. Nicky asleep on Joe’s couch. Nicky asleep on that road trip they took last year. Nicky nodding from exhaustion that time they were deployed to North Africa together. Nicky asleep, his eyelashes dark against his skin, his mouth relaxed, his chest rising with every slow, deep breath. Nicky asleep in his bed, lit by only moonlight as Joe watched him, took in his face, his nose, the curve of his eyebrow, the way his shoulders relax in sleep. Joe has no problem picturing Nicky sleeping and this makes him frown as he raises his fist to knock a second time when the door swings open and Nicky stands on the other side, blinking sleepily, his hair sticking up in the back, looking both befuddled and pleased at the same time. Joe almost smiles at the sight but it slips away as he opens his mouth and says what’s been bothering him since his conversation with Andy during what he thought was just dinner with his boss and ended up being an emotional ambush. 

“You never date.” 

Nicky blinks. His face shifts from pleased to see him to slightly confused but still pleased to see him. Nicky is always pleased to see him. 

“Joe,” Nicky starts, running a hand through his hair, making it stick up more. Joe glances downward to see that Nicky is bare chested and wearing only pajama pants, confirmation that he was indeed asleep, and Joe briefly wonders if he’d gone to bed early, or maybe it’s just later than he realized. “I…”

“You never date,” Joe repeats, undeterred and truthfully ignoring Nicky’s understandable confusion at him turning up on his doorstep for a poorly timed discussion of his dating life. Nicky frowns a little.

“I date,” Nicky answers, sounding a bit less confused and a bit more defensive. 

“You hook up.” 

This isn’t untrue. Nicky does hook up now and then. Never more than a couple times. Always to fuck. Never to have long talks over dinner or to watch movies or to go on road trips or to have long text conversations about life and politics or to god damn couch shop. Those are things he saves for Joe. 

Nicky opens his mouth to say something then clamps it shut in a tight line as he watches Joe. His eyes narrow and focus on Joe in the same way Joe has seen them narrow to focus on a target that finally makes its appearance, causing Nicky to softly stroke the trigger of his sniper rifle. It’s a look Joe knows well. It’s a look that makes his stomach sink a little. Joe swallows. They stand, staring at each other for what feels like an eternity, eyes locked and Joe feels his own start to sting with tears. 

“I think I need to come in,” Joe finally manages to squeak out. Nicky nods. 

“I think I need a beer,” Nicky answers. Now it’s Joe’s turn to nod. He thinks he needs a beer too. Or maybe ten. 

Joe follows Nicky inside, kicking the door shut behind him, and makes his way to the couch while Nicky roots around in the kitchen. When he emerges he’s carrying two beers between his fingers and Joe notices that one of them is his favorite brand. He wants to smack the palm of his hand onto his forehead. Of course Nicky has his favorite beer in his fridge. Nicky hands him his beer and Joe holds it in his hand, the outside of the bottle cool in his grip. He watches as Nicky settles in the corner opposite to him and Joe feels his mouth go dry. He brings the bottle to his lips and takes a sip. The beer barely tastes against his tongue but he’s grateful for how it wets his dry mouth. 

Nicky takes a drink too. Joe watches him swallow. 

“So…” Nicky finally says. 

“You don’t date.” 

“No, not really.” 

“Why?” 

Nicky doesn’t answer. He just watches Joe from where he sits for a moment then turns his attention to the bottle in his hand and starts to pick the label off with his fingernails. Joe feels his insides twist as he watches Nicky struggle with trying to answer his question. Finally Nicky looks back at Joe. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” 

Joe wants to surge forward and grab Nicky, to grip his arms with his hands and yell at him that he didn’t show up on his doorstep unannounced to not find out the answer to the question that Andy had planted during dinner. Instead he answers ‘yes’ in a voice so soft he’s surprised Nicky can even hear him. Yes, he wants to know. He has to know. Nicky shuts his eyes and takes in a deep breath, as if to gather his courage. 

“Because I don’t want to.”

Joe blinks in surprise. That’s it? That’s the explanation? It seems Nicky is going to make him dig deeper on this. 

“Why don’t you want to?” 

“Joe…”

“Why, Nicky?” 

The look on Nicky’s face almost makes Joe want to take it all back. It makes him wish he could rewind the night and when Andy had accused him of accidental dating, instead of actually taking her bait he would have just started talking about his sudden passion for baseball statistics. Then he wouldn’t be sitting on Nicky’s couch now trying to figure out if Andy was right and if HE was the reason his best friend never dates anyone, and how has he been so blind to this for all these years….

“Why?” Joe repeats. He can’t go back now. Nicky turns his head and stares at the blank television across the room. Joe watches him, waiting patiently, and he can almost see the gears inside Nicky’s head turning until they finally stop and Nicky turns back to face Joe with a determined look on his face.

“Because I’m in love with you.” 

The truth draws an involuntary gasp from Joe. Nicky looks away. Joe sees that his hands are clenched into fists, watches a muscle tick in his jaw. 

“Nicky….”

“You asked,” Nicky’s voice sounds pained. Joe silently curses at himself for not leaving well enough alone. He hates how hurt Nicky seems. Without thinking he leans forward. 

“Nicolo.” 

Nicky jerks at hearing his full name, the one Joe rarely uses. 

“Don’t.” His voice is a whisper. 

“How long?” 

“The whole time.” 

Ten years. Joe’s heart sinks. He squeezes his eyes shut as his mind tries to make sense of the fact that his best friend has been in love with him for years and even worse, Joe never really noticed. A feeling of shame surges through him as he realizes Andy was right. He’s an idiot. Even worse, he’s an idiot who hurt the best person he’s ever known. 

“So here’s a funny story,” Joe starts. Nicky glances over at him. Joe smiles reassuringly. “Seems our boss has a bet with a couple of our asshole coworkers and it seems she wants to win it. So she took me out for Indian food. You know how much I love Indian food.” 

Nicky smiles. “You do. Did Andy eat all the chutney?”

Joe rolls his eyes. “She is SO annoying.” 

“Did you get butter chicken?” 

“Always. Are you trying to avoid the next part of the story?” 

“So much.” 

“It will be okay,” Joe says as a warmth starts to fill his chest. “So our annoying boss says this thing. This really annoying thing. She tells me that I’m dating.” 

“You’re not.” 

“Right?” 

“Not since that cunt, Patrick.” 

“God, he was a cunt, wasn’t he?” 

“A giant one.”

“Anyway, this isn’t about Patrick. She tells me I AM dating and asks me what I did on Friday and I tell her that Fridays are for me and my hand.” 

Nicky chokes a little. Joe can’t help but feel a bit satisfied at this. 

“Oh, and that you’d come over to watch that terrible show. Then she asks about the Friday before and about Wednesdays, and it seems, Nicky, she’s right. I am dating. I’m dating YOU.” 

The whole room is quiet except for the sound of their breathing. Finally Nicky speaks.

“So…”

“Yeah.” 

“How do you feel about what she said?” 

Joe thinks for a long moment. 

“You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose my best friend. But….”

“But?” 

“But I might be an idiot.” Something inside Joe snaps and suddenly he sees everything with the view one can only gain from looking at things from a distance. He shifts so he can move closer to Nicky. “No, I am pretty sure I’m a world class idiot. Because I love spending time with you. I love dating you, even if I had no idea that’s what I was doing. Because I think I’m in love with my best friend and I can’t think of anything wrong with that except I’m not sure why I haven’t been dating you from the beginning.” 

“Joe.” His name is a whisper and the sound of Nicky saying his name like that makes Joe’s groin tingle. Joe blinks and swallows. Nicky stares at him with those beautiful blue eyes and suddenly Joe feels a little lost. 

“Can I kiss you? I want to kiss you.” 

“Please.” 

Joe sets his beer down then closes the distance between them. His fingers reaching for Nicky’s chin, tilting his face up. Nicky stares up at him. 

“Hi,” Joe whispers. 

“Hi.” Nicky answers with a smile that lights up his whole face. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” 

“Me too, but here we are.” 

“Here we are.” 

Joe closes the distance between them. He puts a hand on Nicky’s shoulder, his bare skin hot under his palm. Joe feels Nicky shiver at his touch. Placing his lips on Nicky’s, he kisses him. It’s a sweet, hesitant touch, a question looking for an answer. Nicky moans and kisses him back. Something else snaps and Joe is kissing Nicky and kissing him and kissing him, as if he might never stop. Finally Nicky turns his head and breaks away, tipping his head to press his forehead to Joe’s and Joe groans at the loss of contact. 

“So we’re dating?” Nicky asks, his voice bubbling with what Joe can only interpret as pure joy. Joe grins. 

“I think we’ve been dating for the last ten years. I’m just the idiot who had no idea.” 

“If you’re an idiot, you’re MY idiot.” Nicky says, pressing his lips to Joe’s with a smile, “All mine.”

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Please feel free to leave kudos or comment. I like them as much as Joe likes NOT dating Nicky. xoxo
> 
> Prequel:[An Idiot in Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26567539)


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